I’ve been using a social network of sorts for as long as I’ve been using the Internet. From bulletin boards to Twitter, I’ve been there and still use them all to this day. Their importance is worth its weight in diamonds. Through the years of using these networks user patterns have developed and I’ve grown accustomed to stereotyping certain users in different categories. This post is a list of some of the stereotypes I’ve noticed. Enjoy.
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Weekday Warrior The Weekday Warrior is your normal Nine-Five desk job worker. Accountant, engineer, software developer. They only post while at work because after 9+ hours of being in front of the computer they cant handle it anymore. They post while at work and usually post about work related items. Complaining about the boss, about coworkers, etc. They are the next generation gossip queens. |
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Weekend Warrior The Weekend Warrior posts only on the weekends. Perhaps he or she have a day job that is not a desk job. Therefore they only post when they are in front of a computer, usually the weekends. However, sometimes they’ll pull a fast one on you and post during the evening or the middle of the night. Sneaky, sneaky. They usually post about their hobbies. |
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The Text Message Marauder This person is a notorious text messaging addict. They would rather text you than call you. If their house was burning down they would rather text a message to 911 than call them directly. These users are also text users on Twitter. They get all of their timeline updates via text messages and their phone are constantly “blowing up” with SMS messages from Twitter Updates. They soon find that if they follow an Extremist (below) they will have to “Unfollow” them because their text messaging plans cannot handle the flow of data that the Extremist pours out. They usually post about daily happenings as they occur. They are also avid fans of “Twitpic” because they can visually document their findings and comment on them. |
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The Extremist The Extremist is one who updates their social network sites so much that you’d think that they never left the computer. They update so much during the week that you begin to wonder how the hell they have a job and have not got fired yet. If these users are on twitter they are churning out an average of 20-30 updates an hour. They literally fill your timeline with every single thought they have. Extremists are also known to have in depth conversations via social networks. On sites such as Twitter where updates are limited to 140 characters, these conversations can span tens to hundreds of messages. The Extremist posts about everything: Work, opinions, politics, life, family, they food they just ate and if they preferred it to be cooked with more or less spice than it had. Extremists tend to have lots of friends on social networks because they act as the voice of the silent internet at times. They are, well… the entertainers of the networks. Extremists are extreme. EXTREME. EXTREME. Say it out loud, EXTREME. Now with with a deep voice “EXXXTTRRRREEEEMMMMEEEEE”. Yeah, its that serious. Like whoa. |
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Dependency Driven Doppelganger There is a song that has a lyric that goes something like this … “Dependency can be your best friend once you know that drugs and alcohol is all you’ve got that’s dependable”. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. These users are the drunk dialers of the social networks. They only post when they are inebriated and the posts usually look like this .. “hye man,.. listn… we ned to hanng out mre. Serisly bro wh ere have u been? Dood, im so wasted. ill call you bro. l8r” You cant escape these people because these people are our friends and family, but they only come out when the booze is out. You cannot pinpoint what they are going to post, but you can usually guarantee the posting will occur after 5pm on any given day an the chance of posting Thursday through Saturday is elevated quite a bit (as is their mind state after 6 Summit Extra Pale Ales). |
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The Promoter These users are advertisers, promoters, sales guys. These users are only part of the social network scene because everyone else is. They use it as a tool to advertise something that will benefit them in the end. They use the social network as a news media outlet for what they are doing on a day-to-day basis. If these users are on Twitter, they usually have TONS of followers (1000 +) and they follow ZERO people. This is a key indicator if the person is a promoter. They update, but they don’t follow. Sometimes they even look as cool as “Mr. Cool Ice” here on the left. What a stud. |
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The Politician The politician and the promoter are VERY similar. The only difference is that the Politician wants to be your friend. If the politician is on Twitter, they may have 50,000 followers and they may be following 50,000 people as well. Its a sales technique… make them feel like they are your buddy. Don’t expect them to reply to your messages or even read them for that matter. Hell, the politicians never actually see your messages, their assistants do, and their assistants probably make fun of your messages. |
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The Dictator They are the IRON FIST of the social networks. The Dictator is someone who runs their own social network. The classic location of a Dictator is a message board for a company that sells some type of widget and has a support forum for that widget. Be careful what you say on the forum though because the Dictator will axe your post and possibly ban you from their site if they do not agree with you or if you make them or their company look bad. They get insulted easily and when on their site it feels like you’re walking on eggshells. Before you hit “submit” you ask your self “crap, will I get banned for typing this?” The unfortunate thing is that most companies with message boards are this way. So create a separate account on their site and use it strictly for being a tough guy. Then when you get banned, your “normal” account is good still. Its funnier this way, you can play games on Mr. Dictator. I used to do it when I worked for a Dictator type company. I’d make fun of the moderator … and… well… he sat directly across from me. He used to get so pissed at user “ThisSiteSucks” all the time. Hours of fun. |
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